Roads To Leave By

“I still don’t understand, Carrie – why do you want to go down … there?”

Nadine looks at me like she has just discovered that I am really an impostor – not the study mate she has known from Ohio State’s law school for over a year now.

“It’s not the Dark Side of the Moon or something, Di.”

I keep walking, clutching my bag tightly. I want to walk just a little faster than her, and then I can’t — because some damn bus stops right before we reach the crossing and a million people pour out in front of us.

” – You asked what I thought about it,” she retaliates.

Bus away. Nadine walks more briskly, getting a little bit ahead of me.

She is irritated. Big surprise. Since I started this conversation – (I dunno exactly why) – it’s become more and more an argument – me against her.

“I just thought you should know,” I try feebly. “After all, you have to find a new study mate in good time before the examen. And… and… ”

“Right. Thanks,” she scoffs; no intention of hiding what she really feels about my decision. “Look, I can understand that you are shocked and everything and this must be incredibly, terrible and – and I can’t really imagine – and  – ” … she casts me a glance I can’t quite interpret – ” … but is it really the right thing to burn all bridges and hitch-hike 3000 miles because of h- ”

“It’s not about her!” Continue reading

Betrayed As One Gets Free

I was eleven the first time I died. And it’s okay, if you hate me for not having told you before.

Forgive me. I know I should have talked about it, just a little, about what happened back then.

But I couldn’t. I mean, I’ve been fighting so damn hard to try to forget, to move on. But each day I think about … what if I had opened up a little more, been a little more honest with you about what happened to me?

Then maybe you’d not have … Maybe you’d have understood that I knew how you felt – that you weren’t so alone as you thought. And then maybe I could have helped you in time … Continue reading