Force of Life

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Dear bro,

… I’m not sure I understood what it meant to you to come out, despite all the beatings. Not until last fall when I took you to Kachina Village when your illness was getting worse.

I remember you walking slowly between the trees early in the morning, just a little away from our holiday cottage, as if you were feeling your way through the forest.

‘What are you looking for’, I asked?

Obsessing about our imagined native ancestry, like always, you looked back at me and said something about the native name for the village – kachina. I only remember this part, though:

“ … kachina has to do with the idea that there is life in everything in the world – rocks, trees, people. Everything has an essence or a life force, and we have to connect with that life force.”

“Or what?” I asked, in good spirits, because I had just made coffee, and you looked a bit comical out there among the pines in your bathrobe.

But then you looked at me in that strange way and said:

” … Or we die.”

And then I understood.

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